Sometimes, Men suck

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best or most appropriate title ever.  It might not even end up having anything to do with this post, but it has just been one of those weeks, or month.  I am way behind on my Half Iron Man training.  Way behind.  I looked at what I was supposed to be doing this week and said there is no way in hell that I can do that and I am a person that tends to overdo things.  So I sucked up my ego and did what I could.

I am a little frustrated for a few reasons.  I knew a while ago that I needed to kick up my A game and just when I was feeling really strong, life kicked it up a notch.  Of course, when life does that, what is it that happens.  Usually, the woman in charge gives up what is important for her in order to take of what is necessary for the rest. Whenever people tell me I am doing too much and suggest that I give things up, it is always the things that are for me and that I enjoy.  Not one person has ever suggested that I give up the children or the husband which would really open up a lot of free time for me.  If I want a clean house, it is always me that gives up something to make it happen.  If I want good food for the family, yep, It is me who makes it happen.  And when shit like Lice happens and the husband is off traveling living the good life, who gets stuck with the nit picking sessions for a couple hours every night?  You guessed it!  Me.  And yes, I am pretty bitter about it.

I am not bitter at anyone in particular.  My husband has a job.  I am thankful for that.  He has a job that he enjoys.  He is thankful for that. (I really could care much less.  I just would like his ass to be home more) I am able to stay home with the kiddos; in a way.  Trying to start a business, in my free time can be incredibly stressful.  But I did that one to myself and I do happen to love what I do. I do miss teaching, but you people blaming the teacher for all the woes in society when I am smarter than most of you does not make me want to go back and teach your hellions.  Taking care of children none stop by yourself is unnatural and aging.  I told my husband that I am getting a face lift and he agreed to pay for it before I leave him.  And no matter how much I yell and holler and pitch a fit, if things are gonna get done and taken care of, in the end, I have to be the one to do it......ALL.  So if that means that in order to get everything done so I can have 2 hours each night to go through all of the girls' hair, I have to give up my training for a bit, then that is what will happen. But why should I have to automatically dump everything I am working so hard for when the shit hits the fan.  Maybe my stuff shouldn't be the first to go?  Maybe something else can give.  

I have come to the realization, that I need to figure something out and not just tread water waiting for my husband to get a job where he is home.  He hates working in an office and commuting.  He cannot guarantee that he will find a job with no travel.  He likes traveling and doesn't plan on being miserable so he can be home more.  Just like I refuse to move our asses to Bothel so he doesn't have to drive so much.  The only way I am uprooting my children and myself from my community and my support system is for a different climate.....a tropical one.  Other than that, our asses are here to stay in good old West Seattle.  When these children graduate, husband or not, I am moving to Hawaii or Puerto Rico which ever one will have me.  

We have both drawn our lines in the sand and now how do I live with those lines in the sand in a less stressful and productive way.  I have now finally accepted that I will basically be doing this child rearing on my own most of the time.  And while Robdog is totally fully hands on when he is here and he works VERY hard to provide a comfortable life for us, when shit like the Lice happens, it will all be on me.  So, I have to get selfish.  I have to set some things in stone.  I have 2 1/2 months to train for this Half Iron Man.  My training will no longer be the first thing that gets sacrificed.  Sorry kids and husband.  I am taking a stand on this one.

It is hard as mothers and women, to not feel a twinge of guilt when we put something of ours first.  And it is even harder not to feel bitter when we have to fight so hard to have anything that is important to us to come first sometimes.  It may seem small, but fitness is important to me.  I am 40 and have to work harder to maintain.  But I am 40 and I am strong and super healthy.  Why should I feel guilty or bitter to take advantage of that?  Why should I feel guilty or bitter to have just a little something, no matter how trivial, that is just for me?  My looking good and feeling sexy is a side effect that my husband should be very appreciative of.  But the physical well being, the stress release, the sense of accomplishment....that is just for me and only for me.  Why should I have to fight so hard for it?  

My husband is very supportive in whatever way he can.  A person can only offer so much from an airplane.  He never makes me feel guilty or selfish.  My children love to go to the gym, especially if it is raining.  It is a meeting place for them and their homies and there is lots of room to do cartwheels, which is very important to little girls.  They get mad, in fact, if I dump the gym for more pressing matters.  The guilt and bitterness and selfishness I feel is something I put on myself, but conditioned by society.  When my house is tore up, sometimes the easy way to take care of it is to let something else go, rather than let the dishes wait a bit.  My girls are awesome.  They do their chores and take care of business.  But I have to be home for that to happen and for homework and bath time to happen.  

It is just hard sometimes.  I know that men will disagree and be all up in arms about it, but so what.  Women do do more.  They do sacrifice more. And they are usually the ones who give up their extras to make life work.  I could also go into how we have to do twice as much for half the recognition in any work place, but I will save that for another rant.  Most women will agree with me.  Millions of women cannot be that flawed in their thinking, so maybe, just maybe, there is really something to it. 

So my goal for this summer, is to get my training in 6 days a week, enjoy summer time fun with my children, keep my business growing, keep writing (another passion that usually gets sidelined for everything and everyone else), learn to play the guitar, stay in my grocery budget, and somehow find an easy way to keep this house clean.  Oh, and the yard...I am going to get that damn back yard done this summer and get enough sleep and snuggles with my children to boot.  Maybe I will have to be on a strict schedule, something which does not come natural to me.  I don't know.  But this should be fun to watch!

Recipe of the week:

Easy Peasy Chicken Enchiladas

Summer time party season is upon us and we usually have a side dish that needs to be made.  This one is easy, inexpensive and yummy!

Ingredients:

Corn tortillas

baked chopped chicken

shredded Mexican cheese mix

Large can green enchilada sauce

Southwest corn, bean, and pepper frozen medley

In a 9x9 pan pour a little enchilada sauce.  Rip the corn tortillas in half and line the bottom of pan on top of sauce.  Layer some chicken, corn frozen medley, cheese, and enchilada sauce.  Top with a layer of tortillas and layer all that stuff again.  End with a layer of tortillas, enchilada sauce and cheese.  Bake on 350 for 30 or so minutes.  

I really have lost my mind!

It was about 8 pm the other night and I was winding down for the night, when I observed my kitchen and realized that I may have really lost my mind.  The bread maker was busy making bread for the next day, the slow cooker was cooking up tomorrow's tomato soup, and the yogurt maker was making the week's yogurt.  It hit me that one; I have a lot of gadgets (none of which I had to buy AWESOME), two; am I really making everything from scratch all at one time, and three; how the hell did I get to this point?  Maybe I really am obsessive compulsive like my husband keeps pointing out.  It started out with the slow cooker.  I mean there has been no greater invention than the slow cooker.  Really!  Tomato soup. Pulled pork.  Chicken adobo. Bean soup.  And you don't even have to be home!  Then I moved on to the bread maker.  With bread that is good for you verging on $5 a loaf and my family going through that in less than a week, it just seemed to make sense to spend $6.95 a month on flour from Costco to have a fresh loaf every day.  Then, my gym kittens gave me a yogurt maker.  No more spending $5 on a a container that only lasts 2 days.  No more plastic containers clogging up my cupboards.  And the yogurt is damn yummy!  Add whatever you want to it.  Mango yogurt, hell yeah!  So now I am a yogurt making, bread making, soup making machine!  I spend less on groceries and it doesn't really take that much time or effort.  I looked in my cupboard and found a pasta maker last night.  Good lawd!  It is official. I have truly gone off the deep end!

Easy Pulled Pork recipe

This is a great, cheap cut of meat that is perfect for when you need to feed your family and take a dinner to another family.

find a 6 pound or so pork shoulder or butt....BONE IN!  Got to have the bone in.
Before you go to bed, turn the oven to 250 degrees.
now take the roast and smear olive oil, garlic, italian seasonings, garlic salt, onion salt, whatever you think will add flavor.  Don't be shy with the salt, pepper or other stuff.  This is a big chunk of meat.  I put whole cloves of garlic in the bottom of the roasting pan for roasted garlic.  Like I said,....DO NOT BE SHY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF STUFF YOU PUT ON THIS HUNK OF MEAT!
Place this glorious and cheap roast in a roasting pan and cover.  Cook all night.  When the meat falls apart it is done.  It usually takes about 8 hours just when you are waking up.  The smell should wake you up!
*This goes with rice and beans. Frozen Black Eyed peas are easy and are awesome with this pork!
*reheat it later that week, with fresh spinach at the bottom of the bowl.  The juices flavor the spinach nicely.
*Use the roasted garlic and smash it in mayo and make sandwiches.  This is damn good!
*Throw some it in scrambled eggs with onions and peppers and eat in a corn tortilla with avocado.  You won't be hungry before 10 with that breakfast!
*Eat by itself.  Ummm....yeah!  Duh!

Puerto Rican men LOVE me!

I know that it has been a while since I have returned from my vacation in Puerto Rico.  I really was in mourning for a while.  I wasn't ready to come back.  I needed just a few more days to miss my children and miss being a mommy.  While I am thankful for the time I did have to myself, I get so little of it, that I really needed to overdose on it to have enough.  I have lived in Ecuador and Mexico.  I have traveled to Thailand, Hawaii, the Virgin Islands, Barbados, the Galapagos, Costa Rico, all over the United States, and Canada and I can tell you that I have never ever fallen in love with a country like I did with Puerto Rico.
As much as I loved Mexico and Ecuador, I never did get used to the "skkkk skkkk skkk " that the men do when a woman passes.  I consider myself a very open minded person and really do try to step back and be considerate of another culture and observe it.  But I never got used to that.  No matter how much time passed, I never got over that very visceral reaction I felt when I heard that from a man when I passed.  I remember crinching inside every time I approached a man on the street, especially a group of men.  I am just being very honest here.
I also don't like visiting the coast of Mexico (the touristy parts) and being accosted every 10 feet by vendors.  It is very hard to relax on the beach when you are being constantly bombarded by people.  This is not to say that I don't have compassion for the people that have to do that sort of work.  I had some great conversations with people that I met that way.  On one visit to Puerto Vallarta I met this woman from a village outside of Acapulco who didn't learn Spanish until she moved to Puerto Vallarta.  She spoke  Nahuatl.  I was surprised that between hers and mine broken Spanish that we were able to have a conversation, much less a meaningful one.  It was El Dia de los Ninos that day and she was getting Pizza Hut that night for her 3 kids.  Her husband was selling stuff too and we met him as well.  She braided our hair and I ended up braiding hers too.  Wait, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah, relentless vendors....but sometimes, they turn out to be the highlight of the day.
Any way, I fell in love with Puerto Rico.  I love hearing the Spanish language.  I love Caribbean food.  I love Salsa and Raggaeton.  And I LOVE that the men there do not like little skinny things with no bootie.  Yep...I pretty much was in heaven!  I don't know if the men notice women more or if they are just more apt to let you know that they noticed.  In the northwest, we are kind of conditioned to not let a person know that we think they are attractive.  I know that when I see a very attractive man, I don't make eye contact with him.  But I will make eye contact with everyone else and say hello.  Why is that?  I am not going to hit on the attractive man because, well, let's face it, the man I have at home is pretty easy on the eyes.  Why am I so afraid that he will think that I am hitting on him and think that he is attractive?  Part of me thinks that he already knows that he is fine and he does not need me to add to his ego. I think it is a small part of our culture.  Now, just humor me a bit on this one.  I rarely get hit on here.  It is not a matter of me wanting to be hit on, and I am sure that my "I am married sucka!" demeanor makes me unaccessible.  But I really never get hit on or noticed.  I just thought it was because thanks to my husband's constant traveling and the amount of stress I am under (I am blaming him so that when it comes time for a face lift, he will feel guilty and agree to it) I look my age.  Turning 40 messed with my head a bit and I have realized the sad fact that many women seem to become sexually invisible in their late 30's.  Just a little head turn would be nice or something!  Guys in the NW, you are really missing the boat on this one, I tell ya!
When I was in Puerto Rico, I turned a few heads.  At first, I thought it was what I experienced in Mexico and Ecuador.  I know I stick out there (I was also in my 20's) and American women's reputations do precede them.  It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how attractive I was or am.  But in Puerto Rico, especially in San Juan, it was a little different.  I didn't get the "skkkkkk skkkkk skkkkk"  I didn't get chased down.  Okay, I did once and they turned out to be very nice and bought me a drink. It was more of an appreciation of me just being a woman who was actually shaped like a woman.  I started to walk with a little bit more of a switch in my hip.  I started to feel just a little more beautiful.  I realized that no matter how confident you are or how comfortable you are with who you are and what you look like, outside societal pressures do have a great affect.  It is exhausting to pump yourself up everyday.  It is energizing to have someone else do it.  So, just for that week, I let someone else do it for me.
I do work hard on my physical health.  I also know that I indulge a little too much for all that hard work to be seen.  And while I think women should have curves, I am with most women out there and would like to loose a few pounds.  It is especially hard on the west coast, where the slim athletic build seems to be what is held in high esteem.  Although, I will admit, there has never been a time when I have wanted a smaller butt.  I am not crazy.  Maybe I would like it to be a little perkier or firmer, but smaller,....no way!  Put that slim, athletic build ideal with a conservative way of showing appreciation for attractiveness and us curvier girls pretty much get nada.  Unless, we go to Puerto Rico!

I came home with a new appreciation of my body.  When a gorgeous 23 year old surfer tells you that you are beautiful with absolutely no irony or hidden agenda at all, it kind of stays with you.  It shouldn't take a 23 year old surfer to make me walk on air for a week or two, but sometimes it does.  We all get tired carrying our load sometimes.  We all gotta pump ourselves up now and then, so to have someone else pump you up for just a moment is actually quite nice.  If I lived in Puerto Rico, I would have such an enormous ego, you wouldn't be able to deal with me (like dealing with me now is easy).  So maybe it is better that I don't live there. Maybe it is good for me to appreciate what I have and find that validation in myself.  But maybe, just maybe, it will be good for every woman to experience that kind of appreciation and attention....just once.  And as for me, I will take it every chance I get!

Hotmamalolo is alive and in budget!

Many of my peeps have been asking where hotmamlolo has been.  She has been getting her ass kicked, but in a good way.  I had wanted to give a detailed update on my grocery endeavor of a $100 a week budget for the month of April, but since the husband has taken the receipts with him to enter into his little budget thingy, I can't give the details.  I can tell you that I only went $20 over for the entire month and that is with having a party, going on vacation, and having the in-laws in town over Easter weekend.  Technically, the food for the party should have come out of my business account which would have kept me in budget....but we can just keep that on the down low for the time being.  Yep, I think it can be said that I pretty much rocked it.  As soon as I get my hands on those receipts to help me jog my memory, I will give you the details.  I can tell you that I made bread almost every day, did not buy processed foods, used what I had in my pantry to plan meals, and bought frozen vegetables where it wouldn't drive me crazy to not have fresh like onions and peppers.  My pantry and freezer are completely empty and I will be making a Costco trip this week to stock back up and am interested in seeing how I can make that balance out.  My mind set has shifted a little and it isn't only about what I am in the mood for.  The husband is very happy and has almost given me a compliment about it.
Oh, and I was just given a yogurt maker (thank you gym kittens!) so I am very excited about that!

yummy recipe of the week
Make some quinoa according to directions. Make a lot.
This makes a yummy breakfast!
I make a cereal out of this and put coconut milk, pecans, coconut, banana, and a little brown rice syrup on it. yummy!  It is so good for you and sticks to your guts.  Also, this is a great meal if you are on a detox.  You can always change it up and use real milk and brown sugar if you want, but the coconut milk on it is AWESOMENESS!
You can use the leftovers to make a lunch or dinner too.  Toss the quinoa with prawns, tomatoes, basil, pistachios, red onion, juice of 1 lime, and cumin and you have a quinoa tabbouli.  It is so good and has a low glycemic index so it will sustain your blood sugar for a long period of time.