Sometimes, Men suck

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best or most appropriate title ever.  It might not even end up having anything to do with this post, but it has just been one of those weeks, or month.  I am way behind on my Half Iron Man training.  Way behind.  I looked at what I was supposed to be doing this week and said there is no way in hell that I can do that and I am a person that tends to overdo things.  So I sucked up my ego and did what I could.

I am a little frustrated for a few reasons.  I knew a while ago that I needed to kick up my A game and just when I was feeling really strong, life kicked it up a notch.  Of course, when life does that, what is it that happens.  Usually, the woman in charge gives up what is important for her in order to take of what is necessary for the rest. Whenever people tell me I am doing too much and suggest that I give things up, it is always the things that are for me and that I enjoy.  Not one person has ever suggested that I give up the children or the husband which would really open up a lot of free time for me.  If I want a clean house, it is always me that gives up something to make it happen.  If I want good food for the family, yep, It is me who makes it happen.  And when shit like Lice happens and the husband is off traveling living the good life, who gets stuck with the nit picking sessions for a couple hours every night?  You guessed it!  Me.  And yes, I am pretty bitter about it.

I am not bitter at anyone in particular.  My husband has a job.  I am thankful for that.  He has a job that he enjoys.  He is thankful for that. (I really could care much less.  I just would like his ass to be home more) I am able to stay home with the kiddos; in a way.  Trying to start a business, in my free time can be incredibly stressful.  But I did that one to myself and I do happen to love what I do. I do miss teaching, but you people blaming the teacher for all the woes in society when I am smarter than most of you does not make me want to go back and teach your hellions.  Taking care of children none stop by yourself is unnatural and aging.  I told my husband that I am getting a face lift and he agreed to pay for it before I leave him.  And no matter how much I yell and holler and pitch a fit, if things are gonna get done and taken care of, in the end, I have to be the one to do it......ALL.  So if that means that in order to get everything done so I can have 2 hours each night to go through all of the girls' hair, I have to give up my training for a bit, then that is what will happen. But why should I have to automatically dump everything I am working so hard for when the shit hits the fan.  Maybe my stuff shouldn't be the first to go?  Maybe something else can give.  

I have come to the realization, that I need to figure something out and not just tread water waiting for my husband to get a job where he is home.  He hates working in an office and commuting.  He cannot guarantee that he will find a job with no travel.  He likes traveling and doesn't plan on being miserable so he can be home more.  Just like I refuse to move our asses to Bothel so he doesn't have to drive so much.  The only way I am uprooting my children and myself from my community and my support system is for a different climate.....a tropical one.  Other than that, our asses are here to stay in good old West Seattle.  When these children graduate, husband or not, I am moving to Hawaii or Puerto Rico which ever one will have me.  

We have both drawn our lines in the sand and now how do I live with those lines in the sand in a less stressful and productive way.  I have now finally accepted that I will basically be doing this child rearing on my own most of the time.  And while Robdog is totally fully hands on when he is here and he works VERY hard to provide a comfortable life for us, when shit like the Lice happens, it will all be on me.  So, I have to get selfish.  I have to set some things in stone.  I have 2 1/2 months to train for this Half Iron Man.  My training will no longer be the first thing that gets sacrificed.  Sorry kids and husband.  I am taking a stand on this one.

It is hard as mothers and women, to not feel a twinge of guilt when we put something of ours first.  And it is even harder not to feel bitter when we have to fight so hard to have anything that is important to us to come first sometimes.  It may seem small, but fitness is important to me.  I am 40 and have to work harder to maintain.  But I am 40 and I am strong and super healthy.  Why should I feel guilty or bitter to take advantage of that?  Why should I feel guilty or bitter to have just a little something, no matter how trivial, that is just for me?  My looking good and feeling sexy is a side effect that my husband should be very appreciative of.  But the physical well being, the stress release, the sense of accomplishment....that is just for me and only for me.  Why should I have to fight so hard for it?  

My husband is very supportive in whatever way he can.  A person can only offer so much from an airplane.  He never makes me feel guilty or selfish.  My children love to go to the gym, especially if it is raining.  It is a meeting place for them and their homies and there is lots of room to do cartwheels, which is very important to little girls.  They get mad, in fact, if I dump the gym for more pressing matters.  The guilt and bitterness and selfishness I feel is something I put on myself, but conditioned by society.  When my house is tore up, sometimes the easy way to take care of it is to let something else go, rather than let the dishes wait a bit.  My girls are awesome.  They do their chores and take care of business.  But I have to be home for that to happen and for homework and bath time to happen.  

It is just hard sometimes.  I know that men will disagree and be all up in arms about it, but so what.  Women do do more.  They do sacrifice more. And they are usually the ones who give up their extras to make life work.  I could also go into how we have to do twice as much for half the recognition in any work place, but I will save that for another rant.  Most women will agree with me.  Millions of women cannot be that flawed in their thinking, so maybe, just maybe, there is really something to it. 

So my goal for this summer, is to get my training in 6 days a week, enjoy summer time fun with my children, keep my business growing, keep writing (another passion that usually gets sidelined for everything and everyone else), learn to play the guitar, stay in my grocery budget, and somehow find an easy way to keep this house clean.  Oh, and the yard...I am going to get that damn back yard done this summer and get enough sleep and snuggles with my children to boot.  Maybe I will have to be on a strict schedule, something which does not come natural to me.  I don't know.  But this should be fun to watch!

Recipe of the week:

Easy Peasy Chicken Enchiladas

Summer time party season is upon us and we usually have a side dish that needs to be made.  This one is easy, inexpensive and yummy!

Ingredients:

Corn tortillas

baked chopped chicken

shredded Mexican cheese mix

Large can green enchilada sauce

Southwest corn, bean, and pepper frozen medley

In a 9x9 pan pour a little enchilada sauce.  Rip the corn tortillas in half and line the bottom of pan on top of sauce.  Layer some chicken, corn frozen medley, cheese, and enchilada sauce.  Top with a layer of tortillas and layer all that stuff again.  End with a layer of tortillas, enchilada sauce and cheese.  Bake on 350 for 30 or so minutes.