OMG!

I know!  I know!   It has been all summer.  It has been in my heart to blog, but sometimes things need to marinate.  There are some things that need space and time to sink in, be processed, and in some ways, enjoyed. A lot has happened over the summer.  My life has been redirected as it were, back to my original focus or passion.  I have decided to apply to Harvard for a PhD in Educational Leadership.
Yeah I know!  Craziness!  And believe me, there have been a few people in my life to look and me and say, "WTH!?"  "How the hell are you gonna do that?"  Then there are those who know me and say, "It is just gonna get done, that's how!" And I understand where everyone is coming from.  I really do.  It is Harvard.  And I do have a family and three little girls.  I did just start a business and buy a house.  Yes.  I know.  But I am 40 years old and I have finally come to accept some things about myself.
First, I rarely do things the way they are "supposed" to be done.  That may make things harder but it sure does make it interesting.  I will always have my hands in several pots and there will always be another "thing" for me to do.  I know I am hard to be married to, especially if you are not a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person.  Believe me, I leave my husband shaking and scratching his head on a daily basis.  If I decide to do something, I usually just go and do it; often like a bull in a china shop, but I am working on that.  I always have to be doing something.  I am capricious, obstinate, awful at paper work, horrible with money, loyal, forgiving, sensitive, bite off more than I can chew at times, but will always get it done, learning to say no even when I want to really say yes, passionate, compassionate, snarky, goofy, silly, emotional, (I will deny that.) stubborn (I will deny that too) and a very good friend.  Being a "stay at home" mom was never something that I felt fulfilled me, (who does it really?) and that I really have a passion for education....for all children.....and that I need to return to education in a capacity to make real change occur.  I came to all these realizations this summer.  It has been a heart breaking, heart mending, and fabulous summer.  I am me.  Take it or leave it.

The end of June, I taught at a bilingual leadership camp for Latino youth that I teach at every summer.  It is an amazing program that energizes me and gives my jaded heart hope as I see these young people realize their potential.  No hay palabras, there are no words for this camp.  I have many friends that I only see at this camp but who are and always will be, my family.  Every story I hear, becomes a part of my heart, my joy, and my burden.
I didn't teach the camp last year.  My life was too busy.  I couldn't fit it in.  I was done with education and was about to walk completely away from it.  I had my business.  My family.  I went back this year and was reminded of why I spent 10 years of my life in education.  I was reminded of where my true passion really lies. And I was reminded that my goal has always been to get my PhD.  And even though I had never admitted it to anyone, I had always wanted to get my PhD from Harvard.
During the planning stages of this camp, two women that have known me for years, asked me why I hadn't got my PhD yet.  They said they get excited when I speak and asked what I was waiting for.  I didn't know.  The right time? I wasn't going to teach anymore? Because I knew that my husband wanted me to go back to work, pay off some bills, and see if it financially made sense?  Because I had buried the desire deep down inside so it wouldn't hurt so much?  I didn't really have an answer.  Then one of them said something to me, that will always stick with me.  She said, "How can you or anyone deny you such an intricate part of who you are?"  Damn!  Really?! My chest started to hurt.
Throughout the week, that statement sit in my heart.  I was surrounded by bright, beautiful young people, who many, because of politics, racism, and systemic shortfalls never thought they could achieve their dreams.  And I was a part of making them see how special and powerful they really are.  And I was about to walk away from it?  I was about to walk away from something that I am really good at and passionate about?  What the hell?  I was going to just drop 10 years of work and tears and progress because it didn't fit in the plans?
Then someone else said something that week.  She said that most people self select themselves from the colleges they really want to go to, because they don't think they can get in. Self select themselves out!  They don't even give it the old college try.  I am sorry.  I couldn't resist that one! All these years, I had taken the route that was given to me.  Which is fine, because my graduate education cost me next to nothing.  I have never applied for a teaching job.  They have always been offered to me.  I have worked hard to have a good reputation and am glad that it often precedes me.  But what I have always wanted, I never dared say out loud and I certainly didn't dare go for it.  Until now.
I did some research.  It was like the program at Harvard was created especially for me. http://www.gse.harvard.edu/news-impact/2009/09/harvard-university-to-offer-groundbreaking-doctoral-program-for-education-leaders/
Tuition free!  With a stipend!  Color me there!  But Harvard wasn't going to call me.  I had to work to get in and work hard.  But I decided that was what I was going to do.  Imagine what I could do with a degree from Harvard?!  Besides brag every chance I got!
The last day of camp, the councilors round up in a circle, exhausted physically and emotionally, to give their thanks and kudos.  I finally decided to admit it.  I finally decided to say it out loud.  And when it came time for me to speak, no words would come out.  I began to cry; uncontrollably.  All the years of fear and doubt and denial had finally caught up with me.  And all the realizations about what I was going to do hit me.  This would come at a great cost to my family.  I would have to uproot them.  Their worlds would be changed....forever.  And I was going to be the source and the cause of it.  And I knew there would be no turning back or forgetting it for me.  It was in my heart.  It was in my head.  It was going to be my future.  And I couldn't speak.  For once, I was at a loss for words.  The words finally came out, "I am going to apply to Harvard and I am going to get my PhD."  There were few people there who truly knew what that meant.
When we said our goodbyes, one friend hugged me, a big old bear hug. His hug was so strong and secure, I felt my knees buckle beneath me and I started to cry again.  He told me, "You can do this.  You are have a beautiful spirit.  You can do this." And I believed him.  And for a moment, I let him carry my load.  It is not a bad load to bear, but sometimes it can get heavy.  I will always remember the faith, love and support my La Cima friends have and will give me throughout the years.
Coming home was a hard transition.  Although I missed my kids horribly, I was glad that they were out of town with my husband.  I needed to decompress and process the week.  I slept.  I went for a long walk.  I napped.  I took care of myself.  When I finally told Robert what I wanted, it went exactly how I thought it would.  My poor husband.  First I had to have the house.  I got the house.  I had to have the business.  I started the business.  Now I have to have my PhD......from Harvard?!  What's next?  I don't know, but I can guarantee that there will be a next thing.  I have finally come to terms with that is who I am.  And it is okay.  And it is not easy to be married to.  And that is okay too.
So, I decided to enjoy my summer with my children.  I took them camping....for an entire week....in Idaho.....with my sister and her 4 kids......while it rained......the kids had fun.  We went swimming and to parks.  They met kids in the neighborhood and I let them play in the street with them until the street lights came on.  The summer came and it went fast and now it is the end of September and it is pouring down rain.  Damn it!
I also decided to be me again in another way.  I cut off all my hair.  My BFF Angela is in beauty school and rocks!  I am so happy with my short hair.  I look like me!  I went back to running for the joy of it and dropped the half Iron Man.  Forget all that training.  I just want to run and ride my bike and loose myself for the fun of it!  I dropped 10 or so pounds and fit into my sundresses again.  I go out with my homies and make sure I have time for myself to have fun and be stupid every week.  I am learning to Salsa and speaking my Spanish every chance I get.  It has been an awesome summer in a lot of ways.  In other ways it has been really difficult.
People have asked me all kinds of questions.  Are you doing it on line? No.  I can't.  I will be moving there.  Are you taking the girls with you?  Of course I am stupid.  THEY ARE MY CHILDREN.  Wherever I go, they go.  How are you going to handle that?  The way I handle everything else.  I am just going to do it.  Are you going to quit your business?  Hell no!  That would make sense but I love it and I plan on doing it all.  I will just make it work and if I can't, then I will decide what to do. Are you gonna sell the house?  Not if I can help it.  The program is only 3 years.  Seattle is my home and I want me and the girls to be able to come home to our home.  What are you going to do with your PhD?  Change the damn world!
I took my GRE last Saturday.  I think I did a pretty good job.  Some are of the opinion that I did great.  Others are of the opinion that I did good, but not good enough for Harvard.  I am of the opinion to let Harvard decide.  I studied for 2 weeks and did a damn good job.  Now I need to start filling out my application for Harvard. I think and others who know think, that if I frame my profile right, I have a really good shot at getting accepted.  I will know by February if I get asked to interview and by March if I got accepted.  And if I didn't get accepted this year, I will just try again next year.  And if I don't get accepted then....well I just got denied by one of the best school on earth and I will just have to reformulate my game plan......right after I cry my eyes out.
I want to be done with the application Thanksgiving so I am not stressed out with it during the busy holiday season when my business is the busiest.  December 23rd is Babyfara's birthday, another family member's is on the 24th, then it is Christmas, and my birthday on the 28th.  I think on my birthday all I want to do is disappear for a couple of days and go somewhere to just sleep and watch stupid movies and not do ANYTHING FOR ANYONE!
Oh!  And I am going back to teaching on October 3rd.  I will be teaching beginning Spanish and web design to 8th and 9th graders.  This position was created for me in mind and I am very excited about it!  It is very part time, but it is perfect for me and I have the freedom to create a curriculum that hopefully will be culturally relevant and rich and useful to the kids.  Selah and Fara are in swimming on Mondays and Wednesdays and Zoe is in Volleyball Tuesdays and Thursdays.  It is crazy busy here at the Blackett household!
When I go through times like this summer, I am always reminded how lucky I really am.  I have so many people in my corner.  There are so many people who have faith in me and support me, and go along for the crazy crazy ride.  I know that I can go from 0-60 and back again in the time it takes some of you to brush your teeth and yet you still somehow put up with me and love me.  I don't know how you do it.  I think it would be exhausting.
So now the cat is out of the bag.  I want it and I want it all and I want it all now.  And I am not afraid to do the hard work to get it.  But will the price be too high?  I know I have brought up the subject of the guilt that women and mothers place on themselves.  Well I am piling on a lot of guilt on myself right now.  As I navigate through this year, I will lean on my friends and family.  I will doubt myself and my motivation.  I know there will be times when I wonder if it really is worth it.  I hope it is and I am very thankful I have so many in my corner!
No.  I didn't forget recipe of the week, month, or season....whatevs!
4 or 5 frozen chicken breasts
a can of tomato paste
a can of diced tomatoes
a bunch of frozen onions
a bunch of frozen multi colored peppers
cumin, salt, and gharam masala
put it all in a slow cooker and cook for 6 hours or until down.  Serve over rice.  Easy peasy.  To spice up the leftovers a bit, add prawns and diced sausage.  yummy!

In a crazy person sandwich

I have no idea what that title really means, but it just popped into my head.  I think that I have had encounters with several crazy people this past month, where, for once I am not the crazy person.  I have managed to keep my sanity somehow this month  although it was a close call on several occasions.

May began as a stellar month.  I was on track with my half iron man training and had an adventurous Cinco de Mayo.  I have never actually gone out on Cinco de Mayo so it was a treat for me.  The company I was with made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt.  Let's just say that some of the nicknames were Magic Man, Ghetto in Training, Carlton, Gym Kitten, and DJ Chuck.  Oddly enough I don't have a nickname.  Does that mean that I am the sane one of the bunch? And with this crew, a lot of tequila was consumed.  I know I have grown up when I demand that the tequila shots I consume are of quality.  And I don't need the salt and lime and all the froofy stuff.  Just give me a pineapple juice back and it is all good.  

Consuming tequila can lead to slight hangovers and taking care of 3 girls with a slight hangover can be a tad bit challenging.  Especially when one of those girls who have ultra thick hair gets sent home from school with lice.  Robert said why don't we just shave her head.  Can you imagine being a 10 year old girl on the verge of puberty and showing up to school with a shaved head?  I was not going to do that to my baby girl.  Than Zoe piped up and said that it might be a good time to give her that Mohawk that she has been asking for for the past 4 years.  I finally agreed.  I went on you tube and learned how to give the ultimate Mohawk with texturizing and everything.  But being who I am, I couldn't just let that be and I dyed it this gorgeous red color and it is AWESOMENESS! While that made life a little easier, I still had to check her hair every day.  I also had a huge order for Blackett Body Basics due and a few other orders to fill.  Put that with my half iron man training and it made for one crazy week.

Just when I was beginning to see the light, I got a phone call the following week.  I had to go and get Selah because, yes, you guessed it, she had lice.  Are you fricken kidding me?!  If you have ever met Selah, you will know that she is a girly girl and there is no way that she is going to cut her hair. Well, she does want Mary J. Blige's new do, but I can't pull that one off, no matter how many YouTube videos I watch.  So I was back to combing through 2 daughters' hair.  If you have ever dealt with lice, then you know that it is a nightly and hours long ordeal.  If you miss one tiny, teeny nit, the whole cycle starts again.  So my training began to suffer, as was evidence by my last post.  And the house work began to suffer.  Then Fara and Jenna (my niece) got the lice.  Now I had 4 little girls' hair to go through.  At this point, I was about ready to shave every body's head and call it a day.
Then the straw that broke the camel's back happened.  Just when I thought I had got everybody taken care of, I was going through Fara's hair one last time and found that she had a butt load of nits the were just about to hatch.  There are 2 things disturbing about this: 1.  I know the life cycle of lice that I know when they are just about to hatch  and 2.  There is no way that my 3 year old is going to sit still for 3 more weeks and let me go through her hair every night while not hugging her sisters and passing it back to them.  I began to cry.  I called my BFF and even though it was her husband's birthday and she was getting ready to have his family over for lunch, she came over with the clippers and we gave Fara a skin tight fade.  That is a BFF for you.  If they will pick nits out of your hair, you know that they really love you!  Fara looks adorable!  And she loves it.  Zoe saw it and wanted her hair cut like it too.  Then she changed her mind.
I went to my mother's for a BBQ and went through my niece's hair.  She had nits again.  Damn it!  Then my sister went through my hair.  Yep!  I got it!  That is fricking it!  I was on the verge of shaving my hair off, but decided to pay someone to go through it.  My husband had already gone through it while making me watch the movie MILF (so wrong on so many levels) and he didn't find anything, so I knew it was time to call a professional.  I had found these people before, but didn't use them for Fara because they won't do it on children under 4 and I knew the machine would freak Fara out.  She hates my steam cleaner, she would never allow a blow dryer like contraption touch her.  It was a little pricey, but if I will spend that much money to color my hair, I should spend that much to keep it.  Just sayin.
So the Lousebuster came over and deloused me Monday.  Fara obviously doesn't have any and both girls have checked clean the past 2 days.  So you would think that I would be ecstatic and ready to go get back into life.  Yesterday came and I could not get motivated to do anything.  In fact, I didn't get dressed until 4:30 pm when I forced myself to go to the gym for a little run.  I stayed in bed and watched movies with Fara and took a nap with her.  I didn't do the dishes.  I didn't clean my room.  I didn't fold any laundry. I didn't do anything for my business.  I had absolutely, positively no motivation to do anything.  I did cry.  I don't know why exactly, but I think I just hit a wall and could finally break down now that the storm seem to be over.  I feel much better today and bathed, worked out, and brushed my teeth.  I am exhausted because Fara was sick last night and she kept me up, but I can handle that.
I did get a fancy new phone and have a budget app which I am proud to announce that I am in so far this month.  I also did manage to get into quite a few political showdowns on Facebook which is always awesome.  And I did get into a crazy sandwich with 2 very crazy people and their true colors were shown to me.  And even though I was pissed at myself for not seeing the signs earlier, I am steering clear of those fools now and they won't be putting me back into their sandwich anytime soon.  I also got into the pool and kicked some ass in my candy apple red two piece swimming suit.  And I partied down with my crazy ass gang again and did not get home until 3 am.  I finished the patio in the back yard and conquered lice. I have had a pretty productive month.  So even though I felt a little defeated yesterday, sometimes you find out how strong you are when you are a pile on the floor.  The easy part is staying there.  The hardest part is to get up.  And I always get back up!
Recipe of the week:
The bombest pot roast evah!
One roast
One can of cream of mushroom soup
one package of pot roast seasoning or something like it
carrots
potatoes
onions

Place everything in slow cooker on low all damn day.  Maybe start on high for a bit than turn it down to low.  I use organic soup and seasonings.  The other stuff is crap for the body.  The key is the cream of mushroom soup.  I learned this one from my mommy.

Sometimes, Men suck

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best or most appropriate title ever.  It might not even end up having anything to do with this post, but it has just been one of those weeks, or month.  I am way behind on my Half Iron Man training.  Way behind.  I looked at what I was supposed to be doing this week and said there is no way in hell that I can do that and I am a person that tends to overdo things.  So I sucked up my ego and did what I could.

I am a little frustrated for a few reasons.  I knew a while ago that I needed to kick up my A game and just when I was feeling really strong, life kicked it up a notch.  Of course, when life does that, what is it that happens.  Usually, the woman in charge gives up what is important for her in order to take of what is necessary for the rest. Whenever people tell me I am doing too much and suggest that I give things up, it is always the things that are for me and that I enjoy.  Not one person has ever suggested that I give up the children or the husband which would really open up a lot of free time for me.  If I want a clean house, it is always me that gives up something to make it happen.  If I want good food for the family, yep, It is me who makes it happen.  And when shit like Lice happens and the husband is off traveling living the good life, who gets stuck with the nit picking sessions for a couple hours every night?  You guessed it!  Me.  And yes, I am pretty bitter about it.

I am not bitter at anyone in particular.  My husband has a job.  I am thankful for that.  He has a job that he enjoys.  He is thankful for that. (I really could care much less.  I just would like his ass to be home more) I am able to stay home with the kiddos; in a way.  Trying to start a business, in my free time can be incredibly stressful.  But I did that one to myself and I do happen to love what I do. I do miss teaching, but you people blaming the teacher for all the woes in society when I am smarter than most of you does not make me want to go back and teach your hellions.  Taking care of children none stop by yourself is unnatural and aging.  I told my husband that I am getting a face lift and he agreed to pay for it before I leave him.  And no matter how much I yell and holler and pitch a fit, if things are gonna get done and taken care of, in the end, I have to be the one to do it......ALL.  So if that means that in order to get everything done so I can have 2 hours each night to go through all of the girls' hair, I have to give up my training for a bit, then that is what will happen. But why should I have to automatically dump everything I am working so hard for when the shit hits the fan.  Maybe my stuff shouldn't be the first to go?  Maybe something else can give.  

I have come to the realization, that I need to figure something out and not just tread water waiting for my husband to get a job where he is home.  He hates working in an office and commuting.  He cannot guarantee that he will find a job with no travel.  He likes traveling and doesn't plan on being miserable so he can be home more.  Just like I refuse to move our asses to Bothel so he doesn't have to drive so much.  The only way I am uprooting my children and myself from my community and my support system is for a different climate.....a tropical one.  Other than that, our asses are here to stay in good old West Seattle.  When these children graduate, husband or not, I am moving to Hawaii or Puerto Rico which ever one will have me.  

We have both drawn our lines in the sand and now how do I live with those lines in the sand in a less stressful and productive way.  I have now finally accepted that I will basically be doing this child rearing on my own most of the time.  And while Robdog is totally fully hands on when he is here and he works VERY hard to provide a comfortable life for us, when shit like the Lice happens, it will all be on me.  So, I have to get selfish.  I have to set some things in stone.  I have 2 1/2 months to train for this Half Iron Man.  My training will no longer be the first thing that gets sacrificed.  Sorry kids and husband.  I am taking a stand on this one.

It is hard as mothers and women, to not feel a twinge of guilt when we put something of ours first.  And it is even harder not to feel bitter when we have to fight so hard to have anything that is important to us to come first sometimes.  It may seem small, but fitness is important to me.  I am 40 and have to work harder to maintain.  But I am 40 and I am strong and super healthy.  Why should I feel guilty or bitter to take advantage of that?  Why should I feel guilty or bitter to have just a little something, no matter how trivial, that is just for me?  My looking good and feeling sexy is a side effect that my husband should be very appreciative of.  But the physical well being, the stress release, the sense of accomplishment....that is just for me and only for me.  Why should I have to fight so hard for it?  

My husband is very supportive in whatever way he can.  A person can only offer so much from an airplane.  He never makes me feel guilty or selfish.  My children love to go to the gym, especially if it is raining.  It is a meeting place for them and their homies and there is lots of room to do cartwheels, which is very important to little girls.  They get mad, in fact, if I dump the gym for more pressing matters.  The guilt and bitterness and selfishness I feel is something I put on myself, but conditioned by society.  When my house is tore up, sometimes the easy way to take care of it is to let something else go, rather than let the dishes wait a bit.  My girls are awesome.  They do their chores and take care of business.  But I have to be home for that to happen and for homework and bath time to happen.  

It is just hard sometimes.  I know that men will disagree and be all up in arms about it, but so what.  Women do do more.  They do sacrifice more. And they are usually the ones who give up their extras to make life work.  I could also go into how we have to do twice as much for half the recognition in any work place, but I will save that for another rant.  Most women will agree with me.  Millions of women cannot be that flawed in their thinking, so maybe, just maybe, there is really something to it. 

So my goal for this summer, is to get my training in 6 days a week, enjoy summer time fun with my children, keep my business growing, keep writing (another passion that usually gets sidelined for everything and everyone else), learn to play the guitar, stay in my grocery budget, and somehow find an easy way to keep this house clean.  Oh, and the yard...I am going to get that damn back yard done this summer and get enough sleep and snuggles with my children to boot.  Maybe I will have to be on a strict schedule, something which does not come natural to me.  I don't know.  But this should be fun to watch!

Recipe of the week:

Easy Peasy Chicken Enchiladas

Summer time party season is upon us and we usually have a side dish that needs to be made.  This one is easy, inexpensive and yummy!

Ingredients:

Corn tortillas

baked chopped chicken

shredded Mexican cheese mix

Large can green enchilada sauce

Southwest corn, bean, and pepper frozen medley

In a 9x9 pan pour a little enchilada sauce.  Rip the corn tortillas in half and line the bottom of pan on top of sauce.  Layer some chicken, corn frozen medley, cheese, and enchilada sauce.  Top with a layer of tortillas and layer all that stuff again.  End with a layer of tortillas, enchilada sauce and cheese.  Bake on 350 for 30 or so minutes.  

I really have lost my mind!

It was about 8 pm the other night and I was winding down for the night, when I observed my kitchen and realized that I may have really lost my mind.  The bread maker was busy making bread for the next day, the slow cooker was cooking up tomorrow's tomato soup, and the yogurt maker was making the week's yogurt.  It hit me that one; I have a lot of gadgets (none of which I had to buy AWESOME), two; am I really making everything from scratch all at one time, and three; how the hell did I get to this point?  Maybe I really am obsessive compulsive like my husband keeps pointing out.  It started out with the slow cooker.  I mean there has been no greater invention than the slow cooker.  Really!  Tomato soup. Pulled pork.  Chicken adobo. Bean soup.  And you don't even have to be home!  Then I moved on to the bread maker.  With bread that is good for you verging on $5 a loaf and my family going through that in less than a week, it just seemed to make sense to spend $6.95 a month on flour from Costco to have a fresh loaf every day.  Then, my gym kittens gave me a yogurt maker.  No more spending $5 on a a container that only lasts 2 days.  No more plastic containers clogging up my cupboards.  And the yogurt is damn yummy!  Add whatever you want to it.  Mango yogurt, hell yeah!  So now I am a yogurt making, bread making, soup making machine!  I spend less on groceries and it doesn't really take that much time or effort.  I looked in my cupboard and found a pasta maker last night.  Good lawd!  It is official. I have truly gone off the deep end!

Easy Pulled Pork recipe

This is a great, cheap cut of meat that is perfect for when you need to feed your family and take a dinner to another family.

find a 6 pound or so pork shoulder or butt....BONE IN!  Got to have the bone in.
Before you go to bed, turn the oven to 250 degrees.
now take the roast and smear olive oil, garlic, italian seasonings, garlic salt, onion salt, whatever you think will add flavor.  Don't be shy with the salt, pepper or other stuff.  This is a big chunk of meat.  I put whole cloves of garlic in the bottom of the roasting pan for roasted garlic.  Like I said,....DO NOT BE SHY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF STUFF YOU PUT ON THIS HUNK OF MEAT!
Place this glorious and cheap roast in a roasting pan and cover.  Cook all night.  When the meat falls apart it is done.  It usually takes about 8 hours just when you are waking up.  The smell should wake you up!
*This goes with rice and beans. Frozen Black Eyed peas are easy and are awesome with this pork!
*reheat it later that week, with fresh spinach at the bottom of the bowl.  The juices flavor the spinach nicely.
*Use the roasted garlic and smash it in mayo and make sandwiches.  This is damn good!
*Throw some it in scrambled eggs with onions and peppers and eat in a corn tortilla with avocado.  You won't be hungry before 10 with that breakfast!
*Eat by itself.  Ummm....yeah!  Duh!

Puerto Rican men LOVE me!

I know that it has been a while since I have returned from my vacation in Puerto Rico.  I really was in mourning for a while.  I wasn't ready to come back.  I needed just a few more days to miss my children and miss being a mommy.  While I am thankful for the time I did have to myself, I get so little of it, that I really needed to overdose on it to have enough.  I have lived in Ecuador and Mexico.  I have traveled to Thailand, Hawaii, the Virgin Islands, Barbados, the Galapagos, Costa Rico, all over the United States, and Canada and I can tell you that I have never ever fallen in love with a country like I did with Puerto Rico.
As much as I loved Mexico and Ecuador, I never did get used to the "skkkk skkkk skkk " that the men do when a woman passes.  I consider myself a very open minded person and really do try to step back and be considerate of another culture and observe it.  But I never got used to that.  No matter how much time passed, I never got over that very visceral reaction I felt when I heard that from a man when I passed.  I remember crinching inside every time I approached a man on the street, especially a group of men.  I am just being very honest here.
I also don't like visiting the coast of Mexico (the touristy parts) and being accosted every 10 feet by vendors.  It is very hard to relax on the beach when you are being constantly bombarded by people.  This is not to say that I don't have compassion for the people that have to do that sort of work.  I had some great conversations with people that I met that way.  On one visit to Puerto Vallarta I met this woman from a village outside of Acapulco who didn't learn Spanish until she moved to Puerto Vallarta.  She spoke  Nahuatl.  I was surprised that between hers and mine broken Spanish that we were able to have a conversation, much less a meaningful one.  It was El Dia de los Ninos that day and she was getting Pizza Hut that night for her 3 kids.  Her husband was selling stuff too and we met him as well.  She braided our hair and I ended up braiding hers too.  Wait, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah, relentless vendors....but sometimes, they turn out to be the highlight of the day.
Any way, I fell in love with Puerto Rico.  I love hearing the Spanish language.  I love Caribbean food.  I love Salsa and Raggaeton.  And I LOVE that the men there do not like little skinny things with no bootie.  Yep...I pretty much was in heaven!  I don't know if the men notice women more or if they are just more apt to let you know that they noticed.  In the northwest, we are kind of conditioned to not let a person know that we think they are attractive.  I know that when I see a very attractive man, I don't make eye contact with him.  But I will make eye contact with everyone else and say hello.  Why is that?  I am not going to hit on the attractive man because, well, let's face it, the man I have at home is pretty easy on the eyes.  Why am I so afraid that he will think that I am hitting on him and think that he is attractive?  Part of me thinks that he already knows that he is fine and he does not need me to add to his ego. I think it is a small part of our culture.  Now, just humor me a bit on this one.  I rarely get hit on here.  It is not a matter of me wanting to be hit on, and I am sure that my "I am married sucka!" demeanor makes me unaccessible.  But I really never get hit on or noticed.  I just thought it was because thanks to my husband's constant traveling and the amount of stress I am under (I am blaming him so that when it comes time for a face lift, he will feel guilty and agree to it) I look my age.  Turning 40 messed with my head a bit and I have realized the sad fact that many women seem to become sexually invisible in their late 30's.  Just a little head turn would be nice or something!  Guys in the NW, you are really missing the boat on this one, I tell ya!
When I was in Puerto Rico, I turned a few heads.  At first, I thought it was what I experienced in Mexico and Ecuador.  I know I stick out there (I was also in my 20's) and American women's reputations do precede them.  It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how attractive I was or am.  But in Puerto Rico, especially in San Juan, it was a little different.  I didn't get the "skkkkkk skkkkk skkkkk"  I didn't get chased down.  Okay, I did once and they turned out to be very nice and bought me a drink. It was more of an appreciation of me just being a woman who was actually shaped like a woman.  I started to walk with a little bit more of a switch in my hip.  I started to feel just a little more beautiful.  I realized that no matter how confident you are or how comfortable you are with who you are and what you look like, outside societal pressures do have a great affect.  It is exhausting to pump yourself up everyday.  It is energizing to have someone else do it.  So, just for that week, I let someone else do it for me.
I do work hard on my physical health.  I also know that I indulge a little too much for all that hard work to be seen.  And while I think women should have curves, I am with most women out there and would like to loose a few pounds.  It is especially hard on the west coast, where the slim athletic build seems to be what is held in high esteem.  Although, I will admit, there has never been a time when I have wanted a smaller butt.  I am not crazy.  Maybe I would like it to be a little perkier or firmer, but smaller,....no way!  Put that slim, athletic build ideal with a conservative way of showing appreciation for attractiveness and us curvier girls pretty much get nada.  Unless, we go to Puerto Rico!

I came home with a new appreciation of my body.  When a gorgeous 23 year old surfer tells you that you are beautiful with absolutely no irony or hidden agenda at all, it kind of stays with you.  It shouldn't take a 23 year old surfer to make me walk on air for a week or two, but sometimes it does.  We all get tired carrying our load sometimes.  We all gotta pump ourselves up now and then, so to have someone else pump you up for just a moment is actually quite nice.  If I lived in Puerto Rico, I would have such an enormous ego, you wouldn't be able to deal with me (like dealing with me now is easy).  So maybe it is better that I don't live there. Maybe it is good for me to appreciate what I have and find that validation in myself.  But maybe, just maybe, it will be good for every woman to experience that kind of appreciation and attention....just once.  And as for me, I will take it every chance I get!

Hotmamalolo is alive and in budget!

Many of my peeps have been asking where hotmamlolo has been.  She has been getting her ass kicked, but in a good way.  I had wanted to give a detailed update on my grocery endeavor of a $100 a week budget for the month of April, but since the husband has taken the receipts with him to enter into his little budget thingy, I can't give the details.  I can tell you that I only went $20 over for the entire month and that is with having a party, going on vacation, and having the in-laws in town over Easter weekend.  Technically, the food for the party should have come out of my business account which would have kept me in budget....but we can just keep that on the down low for the time being.  Yep, I think it can be said that I pretty much rocked it.  As soon as I get my hands on those receipts to help me jog my memory, I will give you the details.  I can tell you that I made bread almost every day, did not buy processed foods, used what I had in my pantry to plan meals, and bought frozen vegetables where it wouldn't drive me crazy to not have fresh like onions and peppers.  My pantry and freezer are completely empty and I will be making a Costco trip this week to stock back up and am interested in seeing how I can make that balance out.  My mind set has shifted a little and it isn't only about what I am in the mood for.  The husband is very happy and has almost given me a compliment about it.
Oh, and I was just given a yogurt maker (thank you gym kittens!) so I am very excited about that!

yummy recipe of the week
Make some quinoa according to directions. Make a lot.
This makes a yummy breakfast!
I make a cereal out of this and put coconut milk, pecans, coconut, banana, and a little brown rice syrup on it. yummy!  It is so good for you and sticks to your guts.  Also, this is a great meal if you are on a detox.  You can always change it up and use real milk and brown sugar if you want, but the coconut milk on it is AWESOMENESS!
You can use the leftovers to make a lunch or dinner too.  Toss the quinoa with prawns, tomatoes, basil, pistachios, red onion, juice of 1 lime, and cumin and you have a quinoa tabbouli.  It is so good and has a low glycemic index so it will sustain your blood sugar for a long period of time.

Planning ahead sucks!

So I have just returned from Puerto Rico.  I know.  I know.  Poor little me.  It was awful!......to return that is.  The kids stayed behind with my cousin, Tanya so that meant I had to plan meals that she could cook and stay in my budget of $100 a week.  Luckily, Tanya is a little granola cutie that had no problem making bread or anything else from scratch.  The hard part was not to over buy and also all my staples were due to be replaced Costco style.  I did go over my budget for the last week, but I figure if I only spend $30 dollars this week, I can make up for it.  Yeah, right!

I had to replace sugar, flour, yeast, peanut butter, fruit leathers (I haven't quite figured out how to make those yet) vitamins, and jam.  I also had a fragrance consultation party the night before I left so I had to provide margaritas and chips with guacamole and salsa. But this kind of thing is not unusual.  We all have parties to provide extra food for and we all have those weeks where we need to replenish the basics.  In the past I have just accepted that fact, but I have never planned for it nor have I ever tried to make it fit into a budget.  

I again looked at what I had and planned my meals around that.  I still had chicken breasts and prawns.  I also still had corn tortillas.  I knew if I bought some vegetable medley thingys from Trader Joe's that Tanya could make stir fry, pasta, and bean enchiladas.  She did run out of milk.  I forgot to tell her that she has to stop Zoe from drinking milk because that girl will drink a gallon in one day.  Which she did and they were out of milk by Thursday.  Tanya did awesome and the fridge was pretty empty when we returned.  She even spoiled them and made them chocolate chip muffins for breakfast.  Yeah! I know! I want her to stay with me forever too!

I spent $113 at Costco and $57 at Trader Joe's bringing last weeks total to $170.  That means I am $70 over budget so I am going to have to borrow a little from the remaining weeks.  I guess that could be considered cheating, but I never said that I couldn't borrow from another week.  I could do this a few different ways.  I could only leave us $30 for this week and we would be even by the end of this week.  Or I could spend $60 this week and $70 next week which might be a little more doable.  I have spent $10 so far this week and I am going to push my grocery shopping as far into this week as possible.  I still have chicken breast and prawns, frozen blueberries and strawberries, refried beans and cheese, tomato soup, zucchini, peas, and salad mix.  I have oatmeal and pancakes and of course homemade bread so I figure I can make it through at least 2 more days.  I want to go shopping because I like to have eggs for breakfast, but quinoa porridge is really yummy.  I just have to let go of eating what I am in the mood to eat and eat what we have.

Switching this paradigm in my mind is the hardest.  I love having my egg sandwiches in the morning!  I love having my paninis for lunch and whatever I feel like for dinner.  I have a full pantry.  I imagine many of us do!  And all this food is just sitting there.  I would like to deplete my pantry; to actually use all of the food I have.  Now that would be something! I challenge all of you this week to do the same.  Let's empty our pantries together and make this world a better place!

Recipe of the week    Slow Cooker Tomato Soup

1 huge can of whole tomatoes

1 cup frozen or fresh onions

1 cube butter

1 cup white wine

Italian spices

Sautee up onion in butter until softened.  Put in slow cooker with the rest of the ingredients.  Cook on low for 6-8 hours or high for 4 hours.  When done, puree soup.  Eat up.  This soup is the bomb.  It is really good with leftover roasted chicken and cheese in it.

oh no she didn't! Oh yes she did!

Doubters!  The lot of you!  Guess what I have managed to do this week?  Oh no she didn't!  Oh yes, I most certainly did!

WEEK ONE
Money spent on groceries - $97.20
Traders Joe's $57.61
Tony's Produce $34.61
QFC     $4.16

Can I get a whatwhat!?  Jeah!  I know!
I just need to make this very clear!  I am not one to run all over town looking for the best deal.  At the heart of it,  I am lazy.  At first glance, I am very busy.  And at the start of it, I am selfish with my time.  So there will be no running around for me.  I went to Trader Joe's because I knew I could get most of the basics for cheap and it would be good quality.  I had chicken breast, prawns, and refried beans already in stock so I knew I could get away without buying any meat.  I already had tortillas, potatoes, and cheddar cheese so I could just buy the basics. Yeah, I needed to go to Costco for peanut butter and sugar, but damn!  On a Saturday?!  Not happening.  I will have to suck it up and go to Costco though for a few things because we use those things at such a rate, that it would become too expensive to not to.  So there we are.

I went to Tony's because I was going to Target and I drove by and saw that a. they were open and b. they had some great deals on fruit.  When I got there, Junior greeted me warmly and said he was waiting for me to come in.  I have been bugging them about organic produce.  Tony had his way of doing things and wasn't too interested.  Junior knew that was the way things were going but only had a little wiggle room on the ordering front.  They had way more organic produce and at decent prices.  Sadly, Tony passed away this December of liver cancer.  Junior said that his dad was sick and dead in 7 days and still couldn't seem to wrap his head around it.  He is trying to keep the heart and soul of Tony's Produce yet at the same time follow his own vision and business sense.  He is still in the grieving transition stage, but Tony's is still warm and welcoming and they had some great deals.  I walked out with 2 full bags of produce for $34!  I got Mangoes, Strawberries, blueberries, squash, kale, apples, cucumbers, cauliflower, salad mix and pears.  My kids were so excited.  They love Tony's. I told Junior what budget I was trying to keep and he said that if I wanted to get bulk he could get me great deals, like 40 pounds of bananas for $20!  If I got that and split it with my BFF, I could freeze a lot for smoothies, bread, and pancakes.  So if you got a hankering to make jam, but no produce, go see Junior.

My family's eating habits haven't changed drastically at all.  I just had to approach my planning a little different.  Instead of looking through my cookbooks and thinking, "what do I feel like?" I looked through my cupboards and thought, "what do I already have that I could add too?" I did give up my paninis this week, because I didn't get ham and cheese.  So I have been just eating what has been leftover from dinner.  And I didn't buy bananas.  That will be next week.  Often, we approach meal time with the frame of mind of what we are in the mood to eat.  I am trying to change that paradigm and use what we have.  It does help that our pantry is pretty well stocked.  I mean, I have ground flax seed and wheat germ up in there.  If that goes, I will be really impressed with myself.  If I tell myself that I am a fabulous cook and it will be yummy no matter what, maybe that will get me to stop missing my paninis!  (It hasn't really worked, but it is only Tuesday)

This is our meal plan for the week.

Day                     Breakfast                                                  Dinner

Sunday           Scrambled Eggs                                     Black Bean Enchiladas

Monday          Pancakes and Strawberries                  Pancakes and leftover                                        
                                                                                    enchiladas, mangoes

Tuesday        Hot chocolate, toast, pears                     Chicken gumbo with
                                                                                       rice, cucumbers

Wednesday    Jasmine Tea with blueberry muffins          homemade mac and
                                                                                            cheese, kale

Thursday       Breakfast burritos, apples                        Left over mac and
                                                                                      cheese, zucchini

Friday         Cream of wheat with apples                      Baked Chicken breast
                                                                                     with panko breading,
                                                                                swiss chard, roasted potatoes

Saturday     Whatever my husband feeds them             Leftovers, grilled cheese,
                                                                                           Left over vegies

Sunday   I don't care because I will be on a plane to Puerto Rico!  Adios!

I didn't write down lunch because the girls always have PBJ on homemade bread, fruit, and milk.  Nothing fancy.  Sometimes I have fruit leathers.  Sometimes I have freezer dried fruit.  Sometimes I have real fruit or carrots or applesauce.  It is a sandwich, drink, and something that grows on a tree.  Nothing else.  If I am feeling nice, sometimes I will throw in a brownie if I made some.  But that hasn't happened in a while because they have been getting on my nerves and I am trying to get into my damn bikini!  Fara and I eat leftovers and salad and vegies for lunch.

I have squash and cauliflower that is not on the meal plan, because often I will sautee up some vegies as a snack or chop them up. I get sneaky and will make the vegies first and put it on the table while the rest of the dinner is cooking and they will just eat it because they are starving.

Here is the trick to vegies; ask your children which ones they want.  They can't say they won't eat it if they said that is what they want.  They may try, but it won't hold up in the Court of mamalolo!   My girls wanted zucchini, cucumbers, kale, and tomatoes.  And that is what I got them.  Sliced cucumbers and tomatoes with salt is a favorite snack.  Okay, brownies is a favorite snack, but this is a close third or fourth.  Zoe will cook up her own kale so I let her.

I also buy frozen peppers and onions.  They are perfect for so many things; gumbo, breakfast burritos, hash browns, soups.  And I can't forget about the frozen blueberries, strawberries, and mangoes.  They girls eat the frozen blueberries in a bowl as a snack.  The strawberries are perfect for muffins and pancakes, which I make big batches at one time so the girls can just heat them up for breakfast.  I am not, I repeat, I am not a morning person, but I refuse to buy cereal.  The mangoes make great smoothies that can be made into Popsicles for snacks.

Next week will be tricky, because I won't be here and I will have to make sure that whatever my meal plan is, is something my cousin can follow.  But I am not too worried.  She is pretty fresh and is a tree hugging granola!

So I didn't do too bad.  We will see if I can do it next week too.

Recipes of the week

Chicken Gumbo
put one can of stewed tomatoes, some frozen peppers, 1 cup chicken broth (I get the organic paste that you mix with water so it won't go bad in a week)  and 2 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts diced in a slow cooker.  melt 1/2 cube of butter and add 3 tbsp. flour to it and cook it up until it is nice and golden.  add that to the slow cooker.  Don't forget some basil, oregano, and rosemary.  Cook on low for 6 hours.  Serve over rice.  (You can use prawns instead.  Just wait until the last 20 minutes to add them)

Black Bean Enchiladas
I use about 10 corn tortillas.  Heat them up in microwave.  Fill with low fat refried Black beans and roll up.  grease 9x9 inch casserole dish and make one layer of bean filled rolled tortillas.  Pour one can of enchilada sauce over bean filled tortillas and top with Cheddar cheese.  bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.  Avocado is yummy with these.  In the morning I fry up an egg and put it over leftover enchiladas.  yummy!

I buy the corn tortillas at Costco, separate them in freezer bags and freeze them.  You can also broil these tortillas about 4 minutes each side for crunchy tortillas to make bean tostadas.  Also, they are yummy topped with chopped leftover potatoes, scrambled eggs with onions and peppers, avocado and salsa.  Now, I am getting hungry.

So with that being said, I am going to make some rice for my gumbo that is smelling up the house.  I have been getting my butt whooped by my half iron man training, but that is an entirely different story!

Grocery List (for those interested)
Fruit
Kale
Salad mix
Avocado
Apples
Sugar
2 dozen egss
3 gallons of milk
2 cartons of butter
peanut butter
frozen peppers
frozen mango
frozen blueberries
frozen strawberries
salsa
pasta

rice

extras I bought that I knew I would use but didn't really need.

Parmesan cheese
fruit wraps
greek yogurt
sourdough english muffins
almond milk
wheat cereal
raw sunflower seeds

Goggle Eyes are Not Sexy

So today I started my training for the Lake Stevens Half Iron Man.  I was supposed to start Monday, but Zoe was playing sick and Tuesday Fara stole my contact lenses and can't remember where she put them.  Since I can't even see 3 feet in front of me, I decided it might not be a good idea to swim without them.  Luckily my eye doctor had some trial lenses to tide me over until my order comes in.  I was all set and then I realized that the girls had used my Speedo Goggles for swimming lessons and they were all messed up.  So my training was delayed another day.  I am trying not to beat myself up about it.  This is life and this kind of stuff happens......all the fricken time!
I have to be honest and say that I was dreading my workout all morning long and kept putting it off and off until about 2pm.  It is amazing how fast 7 loads of laundry can get folded when I am trying to avoid something.  Here's the deal.  I was getting super fit and trim right before Christmas.  Then Christmas hit, my birthday, Fara's birthday, New Year's, and then the dreaded post holiday depression that ALWAYS sneaks up on me and puts me under with all this rain.  This happens to me every year and yet it always seems to surprise me.  Yes, I slacked off.  I used to be able to do half a pull up.  Now, ummmm, well I don't want to talk about it.  Let's just say that I am not super fit and trim anymore.  Let's just say that my muscle is lying dormant under a nice layer of love;  the love of vanilla lemondrops, white chocolate martinis, chocolate chip cookies, and anything from Matadore.
I finally got my butt down to the gym.  I am running inside because a. It is raining and b. It is raining.  I loaded up my ipod and went through my entire ritual of running for 5 minutes and adjusting my shoes.  Running for a few more minutes and correcting my music or retying my pants.  So I finally got into my groove.  Today's running music; Beastie Boys, License to Ill.  What time is it?  Its time to get ill.  So today's assignment was to run an easy pace for 40 minutes.  It is very hard to run to the Beastie Boys without trying to dance so I probably looked like a spaz on the treadmill bobbing my head and occasionally throwing my hands up in the air with a "what time is it?"
Just in case you don't know, I have a hard time with taking it easy.  I am a complete adrenalin junkie.  I want to hit it hard,  I want to hit it fast.  I want my high and for it to be over with so I can go eat.  But I managed to keep myself in check for this run.  Being that I am carrying a bit of extra weight and the fact that I don't run very much, my knees started to bother me at around 33.5 minutes.  "Not to bad," I thought to myself.  I could quit now and it wouldn't be shameful.  But I pushed through it til the end.  But the last minute Boom Boom Pow came on the ipod, so I did sprint it.  Hey, I didn't want to be 2000 and late.  hahahahahahahahahaa!  I was in the front row of treadmills.  I thought the gym was dead because all of the treadmills in my row were empty.  But when I got off of my treadmill, I noticed that the entire second row was filled.....with men.  I swear they were looking at me funny.  It was either because a. I was running like a spaz trying not to dance.  b.  I was running like a spaz because I was in pain.  or c.  There was a whole lot of jiggling going on and whole lot of junk in the trunk if you know what I mean.  I don't think they are ready for this jelly!  hahahahahahahahahaha!  I am killing it today, I tell you!
Then I rushed my butt down to the pool.  I swam on the swimming  team in high school and college but as my dear friend, Charles pointed out, that was 20 years ago.  Thanks Charles!  Next time you want to relive a basketball game, I will point out how old you are too.  Add this to the fact that I haven't swam laps, in oh say, two years or so and we have a recipe for success!  Not!  I pulled out my old swimming suit and put it on.  I realized that it is looking kind of raggedy and thin.  It is a good thing that it is a black swimming suit.  I may have to replace that soon....like tomorrow.   Put on my new cap and rainbow goggles.  Now I am looking like a champ!  Then I realized that I may have missed a trimming session.....or two.   Oh come on now!  You know I say it like it is.  If you don't like it a. Don't read my blog and b.  You don't know me very well....sheesh!  So with my white cap, rainbow goggles, thinning raggedy suit, and turquoise blue towel wrapped around me so people won't know to what extent I am a mess, I skipped out to the pool.
My assignment today was 200 swim, 200 pull, 200 push for the warm up, 1x1000m swim, and 4x50 cool down.  Jeah!  That's what I thought.  The warm up did kill me.  But then I warmed up and the rest wasn't too bad.  Okay, my feet cramped up and my triceps felt as if they were on fire, but I did it all except for the last 2 sets of 50.  I cut it too close and had to rush to get dressed, no shower, and run down the block with a towel on my head to pick up the girls from their bus stop. Living 2 blocks from the gym has it's perks.  I also got to thoroughly embarrass my girls by picking them up with a towel wrapped around my head.  That was AWESOME!  I did look pretty ridiculous, but do you think I cared! No!  I had to pee really bad.
I left the gym with somehow really good hair and not feeling as tired as I thought I was going to be.  I made dinner; prawns with peppers, garlic, pasta, and Parmesan cheese. YUMMY!!!!!!! Folded the rest of the clothes.  Put my clothes away. The other people in this house can put their own damn clothes away.  Let's be honest.  I don't even fold their clothes.  I just put them in piles and make them fold it them damn selves.  Except Babyfara.  I fold hers.  But she is different.  She's a baby. I then put together a bunk bed..... an IKEA bunk bed!   Jeah!  I know!  I made some bread.  And I kept my goal of not eating after 7pm.  Hey, I do have to put this body into a bikini soon.   Eee gawd.
Now that I am sitting down reflecting on my day, it has hit me.  I am freaking tired!  I may actually go to bed on time tonight. I may just go to bed early.  My workout tomorrow is going to be a breeze.  I have a 30 minute run and and hour bike.  Since I teach 2 spin classes tomorrow, that is covered and I made a running date with one of my gym peeps for after class, so I can't put it off and think of a reason to get out of it.
I may be a spin instructor, but I can think of every reason in the world not to work out.  I didn't feel so bad after I read that even Iron Man champions have to talk themselves into working out.  They would rather sit on the couch and watch GLEE too!  Also, I have never left a gym feeling worse than when I walked through the doors. I need to remember that more.  Exercise really is my Prozac and with this damn rain and gloomy, cloudy weather, I really, really need it.  That, and I want to have a rocking fit bod to parade around on the beach with this summer.  Then I can say when you look at me with all that jealousy in your eye, "jeah! I'm 40!  What!"
Yes, that will be a sweet day!
Oh, that and getting through the Half Iron Man without making my children orphans.

Homemade Microwave Popcorn

I had a sweet tooth and was craving something sweet and savory.  I wanted popcorn balls, but all I have is microwave popcorn.  This is my relationship with microwave popcorn; I love it! The buttery the better.  One time I bought some light microwave popcorn and ended up melting butter and pouring it over the popcorn anyway.  Here is the thing with microwave popcorn...it is really bad for you!  The lining in the bag and the chemicals that make it taste so good....BAD< BAD<BAD!  And even though microwave popcorn is not that expensive, it is way more expensive than it needs to be.  Then I had an epiphany.  What if I made microwave popcorn with the big jug of kernels I have in my pantry?  So I tried it.  I put 9 tablespoons of popcorn in a paper bag, rolled it up and microwaved it for around 3 minutes.  It worked!  Holy shit!  Usually my little experiments don't work, but this one did.  Now I can melt all the butter I want to pour on it guilt free....well kind of guilt free. I am trying to trim down a little bit before I am expected to bare my glow in the dark white body in a bikini on the beaches of Puerto Rico.  I also have an amazing recipe for Kettle Corn, but that would require actually getting a pan out, so I will post that later.
Countdown to my $100 a week Grocery challenge.  It begins the first of April.  This Friday.   Scary!
Wish me luck!
xoxoxo
LB

My reality

Before I get started on my month long challenge, I need to get a few things straight.  In the end, I am about ease and convenience.  I want to challenge myself to get my grocery bill down to $100 a week, but that does not mean that I want to drive all over town looking for the best prices, clip coupons, or change the way I eat.  I know!  My BFF from Ecuador texted me the other day with "$100?! hahahahahahahahahahaha!"  She knows me quite well and knows that above all else I tend to be a bit of a foodie with a splash of laziness.
When I was on the playground the other day with Fara, I was talking food with some of the other parents.  I mentioned that I make a loaf of bread almost everyday and there is very little processed food being consumed in my house.  One mother said to me, "That's great! If you have the time to do it, you totally should.  I wish I had that kind of time."  I simply told her it didn't take anymore time than running to the store and left it at that.
But when I got home, I reflected on the comment and then I got a little irritated.  Time!?  That is one freaking luxury that I don't have!  And then, I know this is really wrong, but I started to judge this woman rather harshly.  She had one child at home.  No job outside the home and a man who is home by 6pm.  Now, those of us with 2 or more children consider....well....I will just say it.....one child is a hobby.  Don't get me wrong.  Raising one child is hard in itself and sometimes more difficult because all the entertainment falls to you.  But you are never outnumbered and there is something to be said about that. Now if you have a partner with that one child, that means that you can actually go to the grocery store by yourself, or god forbid, happy hour with adults once in while.
However, I digress and back to the topic at hand.  I realized that this woman and many others out there may not realize what my life is really like.  Maybe she thinks that I have all this time in the world and that my children are little angels who do their chores and homework the first time they are told. They do their chores and their homework, but it doesn't mean that it occurred without an exhausting fight.  Maybe she thinks that my super handsome husband is actually in the house or the damn state for that matter to be of help. Maybe she just wants to make up excuses about why she can't do the things she wants to.  What it really boils down to, is what is important to her to make time for.
I am attempting to spend only $100 a week on groceries beginning in April.  I am blogging my experience, because that is what we as a society generally do now and we actually think anybody else will care. Just so that no one will think that I have an upper hand and all the right circumstances to make this work, I want to explain my life a little bit.  If I am successful (which to be honest, I have my doubts) I want others to think, well if she can do it in her crazy and insane life with her crazy and insane mind, maybe I can too. Basically, I would like to strip away mine and everybody else's excuses.  We make time for what is important to us.  The other stuff, we usually just make up excuses.  And that is okay.  We can't do everything all of the time.  Sometimes we have to prioritize and let some things go.  We may not like it, but life is busy and life is crazy, and sometimes, life is limiting.
Many of you know, because I am pretty vocal and bitter about it at times, that my husband travels.....a lot.  I would say that he is gone about 90% of the time.  And when he is in town, he leaves at 6:30am and is never home before 7:30pm.  He works hard and I feel too much, but that is a topic for another one of my diatribes. So, what that means is that I am with the kids 24/7.  My oldest two, Zoe 10, and Selah 7, are both in school during the day.  Fara, the 3 year old is in preschool 2 days a week for 3 hours.  I work on Thursdays so the only time I really have to myself is on Tuesday which is usually spent running errands.  I teach 3 spin classes a week and often sub for other instructors.  The housework, the child rearing, the being part of a community are all on my shoulders. Then of course, being the maniac I am, I decided to start my own business, Blackett Body Basics.  Might I add, it is pretty fresh! Check it out!  www.blackettbodybasics.com  Oh and we can't forget the Half Iron Man in August that I signed up for when I got drunk on my 40th and decided that there was no way in hell that I was going to get old!
My life is crazy.  It is often overwhelming!  And sometimes it sucks.  I do not do the "stay at home" part of stay at home mom very well.  I do love my kids.  I know that I am lucky to be able to stay home with them.  But that does not mean that it is always honky dory, especially doing it all by myself.  I get tired and miss the days when my husband used to walk through the door at night and take over.
My main objective wasn't to bitch and moan about my life.  It is actually pretty rad, but I am human and I live a real life, so not everything is perfect.  That is just what life is.  What I am trying to say is that I am a normal person with a basically normal, hectic schedule and a normal inclination to cut corners to make things easier, on a mission to cut my grocery bill in half.   Also, if I do cut the grocery budget down, I can spend more money (without the usual arguments) in Puerto Rico in 2 weeks, when I tag along with the husband on a business trips.  His job does have some perks for me, like frequent flier miles and the occasional tropical destination.
So the real motivation behind me cutting the grocery budget down is revealed and I am thinking I may take a surfing lesson.

$100 a week grocery bill

Okay, my husband and I fight all the time over money.  We have very different approaches to creating and maintaining a budget.  We also have very different ideas about what is the most important thing to spend our money on.  We come  from the complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to our concepts of money.  For him, I believe, spending money is actually physically painful.  I read an article once in the NY Times about the difference between cheap skates and the rest of us.  To cheap skates spending money releases a chemical in the brain that actually makes it painful for them.  They can't help it.  It is part of their physiology.  Now, I am exaggerating a wee bit.  My husband just feels that it is VERY important not to be in debt and to have 3 months pay saved up in the bank.  I think that is a great idea and theoretically I agree.  However, I like to LIVE while I live.  To me, while it is important to stay within your means, money is money.  It comes.  It goes.  But it is never worth the heartache we allow it to cause.  See now the formula for some knock down, drag out fights on the money front.
Through our almost 8 years of marriage, we have both floated a little more towards the middle.  I realize that because of my husband, I will most likely have a retirement.  And I try to tell him, that because of me, he should have some sweet ass memories to think back on.  He quite hasn't seen that point yet.  Go figure!  Just to give an idea about how different we are I will tell you about our grocery battle when we first got married.
Selah was 2 months old.  Zoe was 2 years old.  And Robert had just found out that he had been let go of his teaching job (the circumstances of which I will delve into later because it is a sinister tale of deceit, betrayal, and the untimely death of the boss....okay the last part is not true, but I did wish it for awhile).  He had found a job that he was supposed to be making good money at in sales, but ended up only making $1300 a month.  We had some money in the bank, but that didn't matter to Robert.  He said that needed to be saved for an emergency.  In my head I was thinking, isn't this the emergency?  So he gave me a budget of $100 a week for groceries and that was to include diapers, toilet paper, and other household products.  OMG!   Okay is anyone else there thinking what I was thinking?  WTH!?  So needless to say, I ignored the budget.
So thus our first arguments over money started.  Being sleep deprived, I suggested that he take over the grocery shopping.  ummmm...yeah.  My man came home with the biggest can of beans I had ever seen and a huge bag of rice.  I laughed so hard until I realized that he was dead serious and that is what he expected us to eat for the week. I was and am still very adamant about fresh fruits and vegies being plentiful in our house.  Can you see where this might cause a conflict of interest?
It is now 8 years later and we are still having the same argument. I keep thinking that the fact that I am a good cook and hook him up on a daily basis should sink in at some point, but then I remember the research and that he can't help it.  I have gotten a little bit more sophisticated and I make our bread and have very little processed food in our house.  I am venturing out and trying making homemade yogurt.  It is right now, at this moment, incubating and I will let you know how it turns out. I am seeing how making things from scratch is not only better for you and tastes better, but is a lot cheaper.  So now that he has chilled out ......a little...about the grocery bill (mainly because I am staying in a reasonable budget) I have decided to challenge myself and see if I can feed my family food that is nourishing for both the body and soul for $100 a week.  I will blog about it and let you know how it is going.
ps  I just made a flaxseed sunflower seed bread that is pretty awesome.  I will post the recipe later.
xoxox